As I reminisce on the past few years, I have come to realize that the last three men I have dated have each broken up with me in January. Is this more than mere coincidence? It is part of my fate to start out each new year with a fresh, boy-free slate? Do I give terrible Christmas presents? Let's take a look at the bigger picture and analyze the hell out of this, shall we?
Boy #1
I loved him but he didn't love me. I knew he didn't love me, but I stuck around because I thought if I acted the "right way" around him he would grow to love me. If I could go back, I would say to myself, "Oh Darling, get some self esteem. You can stay in his life at his convenience with the realization that he is NEVER going to love you, or grow a set and walk away from that. You are hurting yourself beyond belief." And FYI I made him cookies for Christmas. It might not sound like much, but they are the best cookies ever made. I don't make them very often because they make other cookies feel bad since they know they could never measure up. Seriously. Plus it was one of those things where I was trying to play it cool, since I hadn't professed my undying love to Boy #1 at this point. It was supposed to be a friendly, no strings attached type of gift. But it obviously came from my heart because those cookies were a bitch to make. He got me nothing. He told me I had gotten too attached and he didn't want to see me romantically anymore on January 23rd. I remember that it was January 23rd because I said something to the effect of, "Great. You couldn't pick any other day of the whole fucking year besides the one that commemorates the death of my grandmother. Fuck you fuck you fuck you." Okay, maybe those exact words didn't come out of my mouth, but I was certainly thinking them in my head.
Boy #2
I met this boy at a Halloween party and agreed to a date even though he was wearing a costume in which his entire face was covered in dark face paint. I didn't even know what he looked like. When we met at the movie theatre I saw that he was a beautiful specimen of a boy indeed. He was younger than me. He looked as if he should be in a movie, and he could sing beyond belief. I loved kissing this boy. A lot. He was here for a few months and then moving back overseas, which I knew from the beginning. I didn't get him anything for Christmas because we had only been dating for about 6 weeks at that point and I didn't really know what the expectation was. To be honest, this boy wasn't like other boys I had dated and I found him very difficult to read, but he was an excellent kisser. Two days before Christmas, he swept me away to a motel for a night, as we did not often have time that was 100% to ourselves. He also gave me a few random things for the night away. Okay, maybe I deserved that dumping. He obviously put a lot of thought into that gift, and did some planning. I didn't hear from him for almost two weeks after our night away, only to find out that in that time he had reconciled with his ex girlfriend. Ouch! She probably gave him good Christmas gifts.
Boy #3
This was the boy I thought was going to be my forever. We were inseparable for months. We said we loved each other, and it was true. We had made future plans, and they were good. We were comfortable together. We had so much in common, we were almost the same person. And damn it, I did give him good Christmas presents! He broke up with me on the anniversary of the day I met the father of my children, who has been absent from our lives (both physically and monetarily) for many years. I greeted this news with a huge, "Motherfuck!! Like this day in history wasn't bad enough already!!" Maybe those words didn't come out of my mouth.....oh who am I kidding, I said those words. Right out loud.
After I considered the following graph, I saw that the breaking up has definitely not occurred in the peak break up times. However I am still questioning my theory that I am a subpar Christmas gift giver, as realistically it was only with good kisser Boy #2 that I really put no effort into it. I suppose it has just been a random series of events, but it is true that starting the year with that fresh, boy-free slate certainly is liberating xo
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