Whadda Ya Mean I'm Not the Centre of the Universe??

I had a discussion with a friend the other day regarding our inability, or rather our lack of wanting to, let go of people when relationships end and it is our time to exit from each other's lives. We've all heard the theory that people come into our lives to teach us something, and perhaps they're only meant to be a temporary character in the whole of our existance. Well sometimes that can be a hard philosophy to swallow, especially when you thought that person had a forever role in your life. Sometimes we want to hold on to a relationship because it made us feel good, and we just can't bring ourselves to believe that anything will ever feel that good again. Maybe we don't want to let go because we know if we do the other person won't want to make the effort to maintain the connection. This hanging on to things long after it's really over inevitably ends up making us miserable and resentful that the person we love so much isn't working into our plans the way we so very much want them to.

"When you fight to cling to people who are no longer meant to be in your life, you delay your destiny. Let them go."

~Mandy Hale

Shortly after the aforementioned conversation, I read something that really challenged my way of thinking. Within the article there was a sentence that basically said, "Do not hate them for leaving, for they are on a journey too". Ummmm....pardon?? This was an entirely new concept to me. I, the one who considered myself to be moving in the direction of self actualization did not think of this? You mean I'm NOT the centre of the Universe, and everyone that comes and goes through my life isn't just here to serve my own life's purpose? They have life paths of their own? Now that's some crazy shit being thrown at me right there. Huh. So I'm also coming and going in other people's lives for their purposes as well. Imagine that....there's a way bigger picture outside of my singular view of the world!

Mulling this new view over in my mind edged my thoughts toward my father. My dad was absent for most of my life, and as a result I spent most of my life being angry at him for not being the dad I had envisioned, or the dad I needed him to be. In my mind it was always about my needs and wants. I eventually came to terms, after he died, with the fact that even if he did a less than stellar job by my standards, he literally did the best job as a dad that he could. Just realizing that was huge for me. Imagine, he was LITERALLY the best dad he could be with what he possessed within him. He wasn't the terrible, evil person I made him out to be in my mind, he was a human being with his own challenges and his own hurts to heal. He simply wasn't a person who knew how to maintain our relationship or effectively show that he cared. And by effectively show he cared, I mean show his love in the way that I wanted him to.

"Just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have"

~ Unknown

Delving a bit deeper using my new found knowledge, I realized if I had (as an adult) taken the time to ask the hard questions and have the difficult conversations with my dad, I might have caught a glimpse at the real soul he was inside his human form of existence. I may have discovered the tough experiences in his past that made him into that person who couldn't connect with me. Instead I took all of it in on a deeply personal level as a public announcement that he didn't love me. Maybe, in having those difficult conversations, I would have discovered nothing more than the fact that we were unable to make the connection I had always longed for. But now I have learned the ultimate lesson that I was as much in his life to help him on his journey of self discovery as he was in my life to help me with mine. And therein lies our connection as much as I can make it clear in my mind right now, our mutual entwining, however sporadically, in life.

Now as I proceed through my existance, I will try not only to see how others are the catalysts for my own essential life lessons, but I will take the time to consider the role I am playing in their lives as well. Will that change in my mindset make it easier to let go of those relationships that are so hard to pry myself away from that it almost feels like a damn addiction? Will it help in the knowing that not only is it time for them to move on, but it is also time for me to move on? Will it make it easier by reframing the situation to realize that I am teaching as many lessons as I am receiving? Will all this help me to depart from those relationships gracefully in love and light rather than with bitterness and pain? I think it will. I really think it will.