It's been a long time, no? It's like this: I was waiting for the light to change so I could cross the road and I met a boy who swept me off of my feet. Enough said? Oh, you want to hear more??
I was taking my daughter to the Canada Day parade (July 1st for all of you non-Canadians) when IT happened. But first, a bit of background information. I hate parades. You're right, hate IS a strong word. That being said, I hate parades buuuuut I still have one child who is young enough to love them. So on the morning of July 1st when it was all rainy and bleak I was ecstatic! YAAY! No parade! The closer it got to noon, which was parade time, the more it began to clear. Dammit! Why wouldn't the weather gods co-operate with me? I thought of just not going, making up a little white (black as the Devil's soul) lie about the parade being cancelled due to the impending rain, but one look into my daughter's big brown eyes and I knew I had no choice but to take her. I usually go right down to the park to sit, which is where the parade ends, but this year I decided on a less crowded venue on the main street where we could watch it sail by us and then go back home. We found a parking space as close as we were going to get at my last minute, feet-dragging pace to get downtown (we might as well have walked from home), and started making our way to find a parade-watching spot. As we were standing on the corner with a small group of other people waiting for the light to change, a boy (man) came up to wait as well. I had seen this boy around town before, since we were teenagers, actually. I thought of him as one of the "Downtown People" because that's the only place I'd ever seen him. I had tried to smile at him a time or two (or ten), but he walked right by me without acknowledging my presence, and I eventually just gave up. So here we all were standing at the same street corner, waiting for that red light to change when Downtown Boy looked at me and said, "I know you. I see you on Facebook." Now, before you all think this is a creepy stalkerish thing, it's really not. We have a lot of mutual friends and at times we had actually both commented on friends' Facebook statuses. So we didn't know each other, but we knew of each other, if that makes sense. He and I made small talk until the light changed, walked across the road together and then parted ways.
Now keep in mind, this man had my, admittedly shallow, attention with his looks from the minute he said hello. And yes, that's why I had tried to smile at him and catch his attention in the past. So of course as soon as the parade ended, I got on my beloved Facebook and "friended" that Downtown Boy. Conversation ensued, and we made a date to meet. At our first meeting (date), we got together at a local pub. We sat down at a booth and both of us put our cell phones and keys up on the table. We both had the exact same phone (iPhone 4) with the exact same black Otterbox on it. Each of our key chains had the same clip (you know, those clips that say "not for climbing") on them because we both have trouble keeping track of where we put them so we need to secure the keys to something (I use my purse, he uses his belt loop). We had a drink or two and went for a little walk afterward, and at the point that he reached his hand out to touch a soft looking plant as we walked by, I knew that there was more than coincidence going on. We both touch (caress) plants as we walk by them? Unreal. I mean, who does that?? We talked about how we both long to live in the country, and how we feel that the trees and the sounds of nature are truly healing for the soul. The more we got to know each other, the more we found we had in common. It was as if we were the same person split into two different bodies.
After this date, our mutual friend Christa called that boy up, in nothing but my best interests, to give him a talking to that any awesome friend would. She explained me to him, and how my love can run quickly and deep. She wanted him to understand what I was about before he got his feet wet, which was probably one of the greatest things anyone has ever done for me. It dropped the veil from my eccentricities early on, leaving him with only half of the work of uncovering these (sometime) oddities.
It was on that first date that Brian first told me that he was bipolar, but I said nothing about my own mental health experiences. I had been denying the same diagnosis for most of my life. The phrases, "They made a mistake" and "I was misdiagnosed" often came out of my mouth when discussing it. His acceptance of that part of himself made it safe for me to do the same, and his full acceptance of me has instilled more love in me than I have ever had before. He has made me feel that it's ok to be me -- fully me -- for the first time in my life.
I was discussing my relationship with Brian with a friend just the other day. This friend and I had had our hearts broken by the same man, years apart. I told her that I didn't regret my past hurts because without them I would not be who I am right now. Without the Johnnys and Robs that had completely devastated me, I never would have developed into the type of woman with the ability to love a man like Brian, and feel that I honestly deserved his love in return. I now know that those past loves were preparing me for my great love. With John (the father of my children), Johnny and Rob I questioned everything: my worthiness, the actual amount of their affection, why their words and actions didn't match, and why their ambiguity reduced me to tears on an almost daily basis.
There are two types of romantic relationships - the ones that prepare you for your one great love, and the other is your one great love. How do you know which is which? The ones who prepare you make you question everything, especially yourself. The great one does not question you and you don't either. ~Rebecca Lammersen
Brian, being the "nice guy" that women talk about, would have quickly fallen off of my radar if I hadn't learned from my past experiences how utterly valuable this type of man really is. He loves my kids and they love him (ok the oldest teenager is a bit of a harder nut to crack), and he treats them as if they were his own. After 10 years, I know this is an incredibly rare trait to find in a man and I am super thankful for it! With Brian, I question nothing. Not him, not myself and not the two of us together. Everything feels completely right and comfortable, and has from day one because our past relationships have prepared us for each other.
Brian makes me feel safe, and appreciated. I know when I am with him I am important, and when I'm not I'm still on his mind. And you know what? It's completely mutual.
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