Quit Playing the Victim

I had a friend recently belittle me for saying some positive things in the face of his negativity. Actually, it was almost like a long term, ongoing power struggle over whether negative or positive would triumph. To be honest, although I wanted to give this friend the help he was asking for, it was emotionally exhausting to communicate with him and be constantly rebuffed. The resistance was absolutely overwhelming, until I recognized that although he complained he did not actually want help. It was then that I became aware of a really important distinction: Some people ask and ask and ask for help, almost to the point of begging. They complain about their lives and all the things they want to change but "can't".
"I need more money."
"I want to get into shape."
"I'm not happy with my partner."
"Things never go my way."
Then when someone steps up to give those people options, they refuse them or make a plethera of excuses and revert back to the "poor me" victim role. Does that sound familiar? If so, which one are you? Are you the person who plays the victim, or are you the person who comes up with the options?

I'm certainly not judging because that damn victim role is really hard to let go of. A person can become totally entrenched in it. I know, I've been there. I have had lots of victim roles that were as comfortable to fall into as a big, comfy bed, and at the time felt impossible to pull out of. Why? Because the victim role is identifying. Who am I if I'm not the single mom....the daughter of an absent father.....the abused woman.....the former troubled and depressed teen....the survivor of several suicide attempts? Who am I? Look at those roles. They are all negative. Identifying yourself as a victim is never going to produce anything in your life but negativity. Talking about your negative roles and having people who claim to be your friends commiserate with you and pity you also isn't doing you any favours. As a very intelligent friend of mine said yesterday, "It takes less energy to placate people than it does to tell them the truth." And that is hitting the nail directly on the head. You don't have to play into that game. The roles you identify with are based on your various past experiences, and they are nothing but stories we continue to tell ourselves. Let that sink in....everything we identify with is just a story we tell ourselves. Guess what? You can start telling yourself a brand new story. Yes, just like that. All it takes is the decision to be someone different, or do something different and make that change.

I feel like all of my negative roles were a lifetime ago now, because I choose not to identify with them anymore. Now, it's as though they were never me at all. Just be strong and get out there. It's a simple concept, but it isn't always the easy thing to do. Quit making excuses. Do something different to get a different result. Empower yourself with positivity! And above all, don't listen to those stories of your past....go write yourself some new ones.